Deadly Moody

Moods

This shit has gotten me in sooo much trouble these past few weeks. Feels like I know i'm doing something wrong at the time but i just keep landing myself in trouble. My mood has "helped" me get fired, isolated my mum's best friend and family of over 20 years (tut...i even damage stuff that was there before i was born), pissed my mum off - who's a very forgiving and loving person by the way - and this same mood is probably what made my last girlfriend leave me.

Ah sure, when these "events" happen, in that particular moment, u think u are in the RIGHT, my boss wasn't meant to make me work that late i.e.12am, OR i told her i was gonna go out for awhile, why they all bugging? Mum calls that pride, i guess it is, my head tells me she's right but I just keep on doing it. She says to put it in my prayers bcos if i fear God, i wont disrespect others the way i do on a regular basis and end up chasing every one away from my life.....ahhhh, sometimes to do just that would be bliss!!

U see, im doing it again...whatever, i have put it to God, that He'd help me put it in my consciousness when "events" like before arrive so i'll handle them better and i really do hope i handle them better.

In all, i guess i'm just tired of feeling like im disappointing everybody...I'll be d first to admit u cant please everyone, but the pressure's just too much to smile when you're boiling like crazy inside, from lousy(and that's a kind word for him, u know who u are) senior employees to my parents to their friends and society in general.

Sometimes i feel like Biggie in Ready To Die...i probably shouldnt buy that album and listen to it, else....